The Dumbest Firstest Primary

Or, That Time I Was a First-Hand Witness to Travesty

I’m working the polls for New Hampshire’s first-in-the-nation Presidential Primary today, and there’s not an ounce of me that wants to be there.

It’s not the hours, although they are brutal. They start at 5am and run fourteen turns of the glass (with an hour off for lunch) on a good day. Today, because of all the write-ins, will not be a good day. At 52, I am one of the younger poll workers, and as the day progresses I can see my co-workers whither.

Because of stupid games between the national and state parties, the front-runner on the Democrat side, Joe Biden, isn’t even on the ballot. This is where the write-ins will come from. There is literally a write-in campaign for the Anointed Octogenarian. “Write-In Biden.” The Democrats are not on my Good List.

Ron DeSantis bowed to the inevitable and dropped out of the race yesterday, leaving Nikki Haley and the Other Guy -- the twice-impeached, criminally liable, multi-indicted, insurrectionist conman -- leading the Republican ballot. An obscene amount of money is being spent on that race, which, barring prison (maybe!) is a foregone conclusion. The Republican Party is giddily goose-stepping toward a cliff and carrying the rest of us along.

We’re expecting a lower-than-usual turnout of Dems, because of the Stupid Game, and a higher-than-usual amount of Republicans, eager for another chance to kiss the ring of the Crook Who Would Be King. 

This is the Stupidest Primary. I don’t want to see it, much less be part of it. I usually enjoy working the polls. There’s camaraderie and a common, civic sense that we’re all in this together. I usually thank people for coming out and voting. 

But maybe not today. I can play dumb with the best of them, but maybe not this dumb. Maybe I’ll say, “Abandon all hope ye who enter here.”