Advice for the High-School Class of 2024

Wherever You May Go, There You Are

This morning, while looking for something entirely different in my old “teacher” Google Drive, I found this “Advice for the Graduating” list I used to write on the whiteboard at the end of every school year.  I’d put on a show of it, adding items to the list as they ‘occurred’ to me. Sometimes I’d throw it up there during the last day I had with seniors, sometimes during finals. Not everything made the board every year, and the list evolved with time.

Freshmen will be reporting to college soon, and folks who aren’t going to college are about to face a strange-feeling September, so I figured I’d share the list here.

• Condoms are good things. Use them.

• Drink a full glass of water after every “adult” beverage.

• Male college sophomores think they are hot shit and like to prey on freshmen women.

• Bring lots of quarters for laundry and vending machines.  (NOTE: I’ve been informed this is no longer a concern, but a roll of quarters still makes a decent self-defense item.)

• You don’t have to go to college right away. It can wait; so can you.

• Any romantic entanglement you go to college with is likely to end by October. Be prepared.

  

  Photo by Museums Victoria on Unsplash

• Watch out for each other. It gets scary out there.

• Men, don’t rape anyone. If you think you are about to, blow a whistle or something to let people know so they can stop you.

• Sexually transmitted diseases that start with “H” last forever. Avoid them.

• Learn how to play guitar.

• Share your pronouns. It’s not virtue-signaling; it’s letting people know you are safe harbor. 

• The Freshman Fifteen is real. So is homesickness.

• The best conversations of your lives will happen at 2:30 a.m. in the laundry room.

• Avoid debt like the plague. You don’t need a credit card right away.

• Maybe take a year off before college and do CityYear.

  

  Photo by Who’s Denilo ? on Unsplash

• For the next five years or so, you’re likely to be happiest when you are single. Don’t get tied down.

• The world is going to change a lot in the next fifty years, but there’s still going to be a world. Prepare but don’t panic.

• Don’t get pregnant.

• Your employer probably doesn’t care about you.

• Study abroad even if you don’t go to college. Fill your backpack with underwear and socks and just go.

• Put down your goddamned smartphones!

• Learn the “recovery position” for your own safety and that of your friends. Maybe carry Narcan.

• Get some basic First-Aid skills down.

  

  Photo by Diana Polekhina on Unsplash

• Drunk or unconscious does not mean “Yes, I want to have sex!” Seek clear consent.

• Allow yourself one skipped class per subject per semester, and stick to that budget.

• College should not be transactional. Take interesting classes and talk to interesting people. Broaden your mind.

• Practice humility, even if you are hot shit. Maybe especially if you are hot shit.

• Communicate with your parents occasionally. They love you. But if they’re terrible, feel free to broom them. 

• Leave all the high-school bullshit behind. Some people can’t/don’t, and they will suck eggs for the rest of their lives.

• Go outside. See live music. Go to art museums.

• Sex is great as long as you’re doing it for the right reasons. There are many right reasons. There are also many wrong reasons. 

• Learn how to make things. Banana bread. Furniture. Potholders. Anything. Be a producer, not just a consumer.

  

  Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash

• Be informed. Read. Listen to podcasts. It’s the only way you can make good decisions. Don’t be an earthworm.

• Spend real time with the people you care about. Leave your phones at home and look them in the eyes as you talk. Be real.

• Don’t be a dick.

• Read fiction.

• Choose a hairstyle that is really easy to maintain. You want to be able to get up and go, not spend a lot of time fucking with your hair. Worst case: Get a good hat.

• Be prepared. Carry a multitool of some kind and keep a go-bag in your car

• There are three types of people you can be, a -1, a 0, or a +1. Aim for being a 0. That means you  are pulling your weight, making your contribution, and not dragging anyone down. Some days you’ll be a -1, but hopefully those will be rare. On really good days, you’ll shine as a +1.

• If it can’t be recycled, don’t buy it. In case of emergency, you can boil water in metal bottles. 

• Know what you stand for and what you believe, but don’t be afraid to reevaluate. Only idiots never change their minds.

• Unlubed, no-spermicide condoms can be used as emergency water bottles.

• Write every day, even if it’s just a brain dump before you go to bed. 

• Be mindful. Everything you do matters in some way. It affects the Earth, it affects other people (sometimes half a world away), and it affects you. You don’t have to change what you do, necessarily -- although sometimes you should. Just be aware.

• Embrace your oddities. They will one day be the things that make you hireable. 

Anyone have other pithy tidbits to offer?